this year has been a very busy & packed year for me.... i rarely have spare time to do nothing. some mths, i might be doing a number of things at e same time, which means i need to really multi tasks. though after a few weeks, i got the hang of it, but i am really physically, mentally drained. this year is extremely busy, but a pity, not many people understand my feelings. i am not saying i want someone to pity me or show sympathy. just tat i hope some1 can understand my frustration, situation, grumbles, feelings, constraints etc.
Just as when we have re structured our service model, and i am so close to finish my cases on hand, now my most sensitive case might face a dismissal from employer. Well, there is no way i can explain further here.
Suddenly, i felt discouraged and i am not sure if i have done wrongly right from the start. Yes, my RO might be right. i am easily discouraged. I am feeling stressed. Though by talking to some of my friends would definitely help, but ultimately is me myself. Can i overcome this hurdle on my own? i think i can, all i need is some time.
i dont know if what i have been insisting is right, what i have been doing is right, what i have been planning is right. The only thing i know is, i have done my best. Initially, i tot tat being able to find him a job is already a miracle. sustained in a job for 6months n more is already a bonus. but now, it seems that everything is like a bubble, burst and vanish, back to square one, MAYBE.
Where is the confidence i used to have? i realised i have changed, but dunno for the good or the worse. i kind of lost myself, lost to what i dunno.. who can tell me? i dun dare to tell hubby too much of work matters, coz i dun want him to feel irritated. so, i try to keep it all to myself. n i find myself crying easily than b4 too. what is wrong.... maybe i need a trip to refresh again. i may feel better after that, i never know. Or isit really time for me to move on....
